Every Day I'm Hustling Page 18

  Part of staying in shape means staying ready for opportunities. When I got the call that they wanted me for the 2016 sequel to Independence Day, I was practically doing backflips. They had been teasing about this sequel on and off for five years, and Will Smith had told me that he wasn’t interested in returning.

  “Dang, what that mean for me?” I joked to Will. “Sorry to be selfish, what that mean for me? I guess that’s the end of my story line, too.”

  Then I got an email that the director, Roland Emmerich, wanted to see me in person. He wanted to make sure that I was still, let’s say, together. Don’t act shocked—this is a business and it’s twenty years later. They wanted to make sure I still looked good. I get it and let’s keep that real. And thank God, I’ve been taking good care of myself.

  We met at his fabulous L.A. house, and when I arrived, his back was to me. I got out of the car and said a sweet “Hi, Roland.” He turned around, and I walked up to him with the hips going WHAM! BAM!

  “Well, damn, Vivica,” he said. “I think you look even better.”

  Still, I knew I could look even better than his “even better.” I couldn’t be the stripper in the first one and come back anything but taut for the sequel.

  I put my usual plan into action, and I want to share it with you. First off, don’t starve yourself. That’s deprivation. I need motivation—some fuel in the tank. What I think works is to up your water intake and choose foods that are lower carb, lower sugar, and lower sodium. Here are my other tips:

  Start the day keeping it simple.

  In the morning I like to have yogurt with blueberries, fresh-squeezed orange juice, and some coffee. And always water. I eat one little pink grapefruit alongside because it’s pretty, and because its tartness brings out the sweetness of the blueberries. A mid-morning apple will keep me from making a bad choice for lunch at craft services or in a restaurant.

  Cut the portions but amp the flavor.

  If you want to have a carb, enjoy half of it and push yourself away from the table. Compensate for that heroic act by banning blandness from your table. I love a lot of garlic and bright flavors in my food. Get out that old lemon squeeze to jazz up grilled fish or chicken. And yes, get dressing, but get it on the side and don’t bother with the “low-fat” stuff—it’s probably full of sugar and salt to mask its lack of punch. My trick is to dab my fork in the dressing, then stab that salad. When it comes to salad, there is a reason kale and mustard greens are so popular. They just taste better and are more interesting than boring lettuce. What’s funny is that my mom used to use kale and mustard greens in her Southern greens to jazz them up. Now she’s trendy!

  If you don’t see it, you won’t eat it.

  This is true when the waiter comes to ask if you want bread and whether to stock your cupboards full of snacks. If you have a girlfriend at work who is always bringing in unhealthy snacks for people, consider leveling with her and saying, “I love your generosity, but I am really trying here. Will you help me?” If her intentions are sweet, she will listen. If she really is trying to sabotage you, then you’ve put her on notice. Satan, get thee behind me!

  Do you have time to burn calories?

  One of the reasons I don’t like going to a gym is that it’s hard to fit that time in my schedule. Since I don’t have time to burn the calories, I have to be stricter about how many I take in. Ask yourself if you would prefer to up your exercise routine rather than count calories.

  Keep it moving, Santa.

  Listen, I love the holidays. I just hate the food that goes with it. It’s simply too much to ask of yourself to spend hours with family, triggering every trigger you’ve got, I bet, and not eat your feelings. So fill up before a gathering with a healthy snack. I call it taking the edge off. If you can cook—and bless you because I can, but I just don’t do it often—make a dish to bring that you know fits your calorie budget.

  You need and deserve a cheat day.

  Once a week, you’ve got to reward yourself. Otherwise it’s gonna get boring and you’ll fall off the wagon. The other day I was in Wisconsin for work. The crew wanted to go to Red Lobster, so I went with them. Of course, I wanted to bond because I liked them, but really it was because it was my cheat day. I had me a cheese biscuit AND a baked potato, I am not gonna lie. My favorite cheat day meal is linguini with clams and a good bread with balsamic vinegar and oil. With wine. And for dessert, a sponge cake à la mode. Or maybe some good old pepperoni-and-sausage-and-mushroom pizza from California Pizza Kitchen. Or perhaps fettuccine Alfredo with chicken, which is really bad. And then more bread …

  Stop calling it a diet.

  Diets are temporary. You’re just doing yourself the favor of paying attention to your body and nourishing it. This is not about being skinny or a number on the scale—they don’t put your weight on your tombstone. It’s about attaining and maintaining strength to last throughout your life.

  LESSON FOURTEEN

  THE CHANGE OF LIFE IS GONNA COME. SO GET IN FRONT OF IT.

  Not long ago, I started going through what people call “the Change” a little bit. Not a little bit—a whole lot! I would be drenched in sweat and have to step away from people to grab my “private summer” fan. That’s what my friends call it: a private summer. You look over, and someone is having a private summer in her own little world. “Damn, it’s hot!”

  You have to get in front of the Change, because it will happen to every woman. The first step is to see your doctor as soon as you suspect it might be happening. (You have a doctor, right? The most important part of paying attention to your body and taking care of it is going to your doctor. I always advise women and men to get their annuals.)

  “I think I’m starting to have it,” I told my doctor. I didn’t even need to say what “it” was.

  “No way,” he said. “It’s too early for you.”

  I could have just said, “Okay,” because at first I was afraid of the Change. Society is not kind to women as they age, and this would put a target on my back. But I persisted, and asked if there was some sort of way to test me to see if I was starting the Change. I wanted to be proactive. He gave me an FSH test, which measures the levels of follicle-stimulating hormones in your body.

  He called me. “You were right, Vivica.” At first he gave me a synthetic hormone, but that only made me sweat more. With his okay, I decided to handle it naturally.

  My first step was to show courage and embrace this new chapter. It was interesting to get to know me on the inside, since I’d spent so many years very conscious of how others perceived me from the outside. So I brought that same attention to my body that I brought to prepping for a role.

  For me, I found that when I gained ten to fifteen pounds, the added bulk had a lot to do with the severity of the sweats. So I said, Time to slim down, girl. And also, when I ate, I listened to what I call “the echo.” How did I feel after? What was the echo? I have a girlfriend who charted every hot flash to find the pattern. She found they were tied to three triggers: eating spicy food like Thai or Indian takeout, drinking wine, and dealing with stressful deadlines at work. “I can’t do anything about work, and I won’t give up my glass of wine,” she told me. “See ya later, pad Thai!”

  The next step I recommend is to get a little Brookstone fan. How many times have I said aloud, “Where’s my fan at?” My little blue guy goes everywhere with me. If you ever want to feel less alone in your hot flashes, check out the reviews for their Breeze Pen. All these corporate girls talking about how it’s a godsend for their symptoms. You also need to be okay excusing yourself if you are self-conscious about your hot flashes. Just kind of walk away and do a little pat pat pat with a small towel in your bag. Some women I know are so in denial about these hot flashes that they don’t prepare for them. “Nothing to see here!” Instead, arm yourself with tools that will help you and talk to your sisters about how you’re feeling and what steps you’re taking to take charge.

  My skin started to change, becoming
dryer and just feeling thinner. No wonder, since the lowering of estrogen means your body isn’t retaining moisture as well. So that’s when I made sure I kept up with my facials and started doing more masks at home. I also upped my salmon intake, as I call it, because of those good old omega-3s in fatty fish.

  Then your sex drive changes. For me, there was a time that I didn’t want anybody touching me, no gosh darn way, so it made me focus on other things. I started getting another kind of satisfaction—from work.

  And this is what I want to tell you: When you focus on yourself and listen to your body, you’ll be surprised how you feel. I was like, Hmmm. I am being professional, respectful, and considerate. I am going to sleep, I am waking up early, I am looking good, and I don’t have any drama.

  I was projecting a sense of composure and maturity, and people noticed. I started getting offers of interesting roles playing leader types, and it’s because I embraced this new chapter. In interviews, people ask me how I stay so young and I tell them the truth. “I don’t. I embrace every new chapter.” I am in my fifties now, and many of us aren’t interested in passing for thirty-five. Why be an okay thirty when you can be a stunning fifty? That confidence, that presence, is sexy.

  I have a theory about why women were once made to feel they needed to go in exile once they started the Change. Some of the most powerful women I have met are on the other side. They are focused and confident and clear about what matters to them. And they’re beautiful. Can you imagine a more terrifying thing to insecure men? And what a prize a woman like that would be to a self-assured person.

  So repeat after me:

  I [say the name of your fine-ass self here] do solemnly swear that at this blessed age of [say your number loud!] I resolve to love myself, my body, my every curve and wrinkle, and only become more freaking fabulous. So help me, Vivica.

  Amen.

  PART FIVE

  MAINTAINING SUCCESS AS YOU GROW THROUGH CHANGE

  LESSON FIFTEEN

  YOU WILL WANT TO GIVE IN. DON’T.

  If you are now or ever will be in need of a recharge, bookmark this chapter. Because here’s something I had to learn: It takes hard work to become successful, but then being successful is still hard work. When you’re coming up, it can be motivating to hear “No.” You say, “Oh yeah? I’ll show them.” The door slammed in your face just means you kick it harder.

  Once you’ve had success for a while, you might not want to kick as hard anymore. Your poor feet are tired of kicking those doors in. “Buy me new shoes,” they say. “Put me up on a couch.” You’re tempted to lower your expectations.

  Don’t.

  I believe “exit strategy” is a nice of way of saying “quitting.” Instead, I believe in evolution strategies. You need them when you’ve established your career but you’re having trouble maintaining momentum. If you’re there, here are a few questions I want you to ask before you give up.

  How do people perceive you?

  I’m not talking about your pretty face. I’m talking about how people view you and your product. Step back and look at yourself as a client or supervisor would. Do you inspire confidence? Meeting deadlines, following up, and maintaining a good attitude are fundamental to reaching your goals, but you have to keep it up. Don’t let success make you a failure.

  Are you staying current?

  If your business is fixing wristwatches and everyone is walking around with an iPhone, you need to reevaluate. This doesn’t just apply to people in sales. How are you giving people what they need now, not then?

  Can you do it yourself?

  If you find that you are dependent on someone giving you work or providing your customer base, look at ways you can feed yourself. Can you do what they’re doing and reach those people yourself? I have a girlfriend who’s a partner in a law firm, and she says she has to bring in business. “Eat what you kill” is the motto in her office. You can’t rely on somebody else to keep you fed.

  Are you keeping your squad up?

  The people you turned to on the way up can still be a resource. Talk to them about your work, and ask them for their honest perspective. They might even be able to partner with you to expand your reach.

  Can you channel your skills and passion into a different role?

  Think about why you wanted to do the work you’re doing. The real essence of it. If you’re a chef with a restaurant that is no longer doing well, maybe it’s because you like to nourish people and, frankly, you like praise. Can you teach cooking classes? Perhaps there is a food-supply company that needs your enthusiasm and know-how in its sales department. There are alternatives for all careers. A teacher who is tired of dealing with kids can bring that passion to doing corporate trainings. A nurse burned out on the hours and demands can become a legal nurse consultant, helping law firms and insurance companies interpret medical records. That’s right, trade that bedpan for the boardroom, honey.

  I make jokes, but I know it’s hard to face professional disappointment. I have to turn to scripture to give you an important piece of advice. Now, I know Psalm 23 gets a lot of deserved attention. Everyone, from an atheist to a Zen Buddhist, has probably heard this opening line, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.” It’s a beautiful testament of faith and hope. But Psalm 34 is the one I turn to when my faith is tested and I feel foolish to have even hoped for something in the first place: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

  There was a time in my career where I felt crushed in spirit. I thought it was time to retire—or at least, I thought Hollywood was telling me it was time to retire. So I had to work out my evolution strategy.

  I had just entered my forties, and I knew that I needed to start changing up the parts I was going for. I definitely wasn’t the young ingénue, and I knew the shelf life on the Hot Chick—at least how it is generally defined—was nearing expiration. You know you can only play those roles for so long and then they start to look for someone else. It’s like being on a basketball team. You have your run as the star and, guess what, it’s time for your replacement. So I asked myself what I always do when I’m in transition: What do you have next?

  My first evolution strategy was to try to get a foothold in the mature crowd. So I went up for The Bucket List, a Rob Reiner comedy with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. If you missed the film, it’s about two guys who escape from a cancer ward for a road trip to cross off their life’s to-dos. I went up for the role of the temptress that Morgan Freeman’s character meets in a bar.

  I put even more effort than usual into prepping for the audition, because it seemed like my one chance. I nailed it. I’ll just say it. I nailed it, and I got callbacks for the role. I felt confident that I was going to work with these amazing men, and I was going to start my career in a new direction.

  My agent called and I knew right away it was a pass. “They said you look like Morgan’s daughter,” she said. “But they really liked you. Rob said he’ll always keep you in mind.”

  So I was still too good-looking to play older roles, but my age meant I was disqualified from playing “the It girl.” This happened time and time again. I would pursue something that I thought would get me out of this rut, and I’d have the door closed on me. I felt unhireable. There were far fewer roles then. Now Hollywood is finally seeing women like us, being hot and being beautiful and being older. How can they deny it when they see Jennifer Lopez, mid-forties, looking gorgeous, and Halle Berry looking amazing in her fifties, and the fabulous Helen Mirren, who’s in her seventies and guys still want to jump her bones? Not just that, there are now leading roles for women, ones that demand the presence that experience gives you.

  But back then I was out of luck. I refused to get in my own way by saying, “I will only do film.” I had already been in the business long enough to know that diversity was the key to longevity. I was not going to wait for Hollywood to throw me a Grandma Suzy role, and I don’t want to pull a Sunset Boulevard and
become a bitter actress. The right part wasn’t going to just get handed to me.

  So I decided to hand myself the role I wanted by becoming a producer. One of my first projects was coproducing a traveling stage play, Whatever She Wants, with Je’Caryous Johnson and Gary Guidry. Je’Caryous wrote the script for me, calling my character Vivian Wolf. She’s incredibly successful but unlucky in love. Ahem. Hell yeah, that totally hit home for me. This was my first time back doing a stage play since I appeared in, deep breath, Generations of the Dead in the Abyss of Coney Island Madness in the Mark Taper Forum’s 1989 New Works Festival in Los Angeles. That was heavy and dark—though the wonderful director, Lee Kenneth Richardson, went on to direct George C. Wolfe’s A Colored Museum at the Public Theater in New York. Whatever She Wants was more fun, and a lot more work.

  I would do the play on the road for four-month stretches, eight shows a week in the starring role, right there in nine of the eleven scenes. Being a producer and star was a lot of work, but I loved the control it gave me—and the channel it gave me for my OCD. I got to worry about everything. Because when you’re a producer, it’s your job to worry about everything! Are you going to run long and have to pay the crew and theater overtime? Is the set right? Are all the price tags off the props? Are people getting paid? Which brings up a very important point: Acting and producing equals two checks.

  I found that I loved producing, and in that evolution strategy, I found that I was passionate about branding. If my name is on it, Foxy Brown Productions, it has to be quality. People need to understand this. When people give you a title, you have to earn that title. When I have the title of producer or executive producer, people trust me with their money, and they know I am going to finish on or under budget and be on time. Because the more professional you are and the more you show people you appreciate them, the bigger budgets you will get. Your work will lead to another blessing.

  Of course, I heard the jokes about me doing the stage plays. People don’t take the art of African American plays seriously, and I saw blogs saying “Her career is over!” and “She’s on the Chitlin’ Circuit!” Hold up. “Chitlin’ Circuit” refers to the venues that were safe places for African American entertainers to perform during Jim Crow. So that’s not an insult to me. It says more about the person who uses that as an insult in our present day than it does about black theater. We are blessed to have moved beyond that, and I was just as blessed to find audiences who have wanted to see me in the three stage plays I have produced. When I was feeling down, the African American community was there in those audiences, greeting me with the warm embrace of “There’s our girl” every time I hit that stage. It was an opportunity to reintroduce myself to my audience: “I know you knew me as the hot ‘It’ girl, and now I want you to meet the woman I’ve become. I hope you like her.”